Sunday, January 30, 2011

Imm backk!

Hello ladies and germs.

It has been quiet some time now hasn't it. I doubt anyone still reads this but its worth a shot. I am not going to bother filling you guys in on what has happened, because there is too much random crap.
I will just give you a quick update on the whole weight thing. I have been struggling with my bulimia on and off the past few months, gaining and losing, gaining and losing. I always maintain under 110lbs though. I was 101lbs last week but the last few days i have been doing some crazy binging and purging.
I got drunk the last few nights and when i am drunk my binges can be wild, and tonight just so happened to be one of those nights. I literally feel rotten from all the throwing up.

BUT with some good support from a few of my friends with eating disorders online, i am ready to step out of the bulimia world and back into the restricting.
now i know what you are thinking "yeah right" and hey now, i am not saying i will never binge and purge again because lets face it, bulimia isn't something i can just drop, no matter how badly i want too.
the binge is a warm hug, and the purge and the release. its an addiction i wish i could stop but its not that simple.
although, thin is still my priority. and i intend to try my hardest to at least cut back on binging and purging and restrict more.
i want to go at least a week b/p free. that would be great.

My parents have found my puke bowls plenty more times by the way.
and ive been contemplating recovery but i am dying to get down to a low 90, high 80 weight. so that is my goal.
and i will be updating daily just like the good old days to keep me on track. and i am hoping i will make it to my goal weight, go into inpatient, and then look back at my blog posts and hopefully be greatfull i am better.
but i am not getting my hopes up.

how is everyone else doing?


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