Sunday, January 30, 2011

Imm backk!

Hello ladies and germs.

It has been quiet some time now hasn't it. I doubt anyone still reads this but its worth a shot. I am not going to bother filling you guys in on what has happened, because there is too much random crap.
I will just give you a quick update on the whole weight thing. I have been struggling with my bulimia on and off the past few months, gaining and losing, gaining and losing. I always maintain under 110lbs though. I was 101lbs last week but the last few days i have been doing some crazy binging and purging.
I got drunk the last few nights and when i am drunk my binges can be wild, and tonight just so happened to be one of those nights. I literally feel rotten from all the throwing up.

BUT with some good support from a few of my friends with eating disorders online, i am ready to step out of the bulimia world and back into the restricting.
now i know what you are thinking "yeah right" and hey now, i am not saying i will never binge and purge again because lets face it, bulimia isn't something i can just drop, no matter how badly i want too.
the binge is a warm hug, and the purge and the release. its an addiction i wish i could stop but its not that simple.
although, thin is still my priority. and i intend to try my hardest to at least cut back on binging and purging and restrict more.
i want to go at least a week b/p free. that would be great.

My parents have found my puke bowls plenty more times by the way.
and ive been contemplating recovery but i am dying to get down to a low 90, high 80 weight. so that is my goal.
and i will be updating daily just like the good old days to keep me on track. and i am hoping i will make it to my goal weight, go into inpatient, and then look back at my blog posts and hopefully be greatfull i am better.
but i am not getting my hopes up.

how is everyone else doing?


KrystalKlear said...

OMG i missed you! i was so worried when you dissappeared <3 good luck love! take care of yourselfxxx

Pearly Craig said...

Hello dear, never lose hope. One big step to recovery is admitting yourself to bulimia rehab facility. Your friends and family love and care for you. You are beautiful inside out.


This Template is Brought to you by : blogger templates