Saturday, November 6, 2010

I am not strong enough..

I am broken into a million billion pieces...
I am bawling my fucking eyes out. I feel so alone, I don't feel real, I now know how it feels to feel dead inside.
I have started cutting again. I want help but to scared to ask for it, i want people to help me without me asking.. this disorder might take me before that happens..

Here are lyrics that describe how i am feeling right now..


This place is a hole
but I don't wanna go
i wish we could stay here forever alone
this time that we waste
but i still love your taste
don't let him take my place
don't just sit there

sometimes I wish you would leave me
whoa I'm not sick of you yet
is that as good as it gets
I'll just hide it
I could slip into you
its so easy to come back into you

I stayed for a while
and waited for words
seen but not heard
and struggled to try
my tongues turnin' black
but I'll take you back
your still the best more or less
I guess
I guess

don't you leave me
whoa I'm not sick of you yet
is that as good as it gets
I'll just hide it oh
I could slip into you
its so easy to come back into you

and it hurts me to say that it hurts me to stay
and it might be all right if you go
it hurts me to say that i want you stay but it might be alright if you go

so leave me
whoa I'm not sick of you yet
is that as good as it gets
I'll just decided whoa i could slip into you its so easy to come...
back into you

sometimes i think that the bitter in you and the quitter in me is the bitter in you and quitter in me
the bitter in you is the quitter in me is the bitter in me and the quitter in me
the bitter in you and the quitter in me is (yeah)
is better than the both of us



Those are lyrics to the song "Lover Dearest" by my favorite band Marianas Trench, its baout the lead singers addiction to heroin, he wrote the song in rehab it was originally a letter he had to write to his addiction during rehab. I think it can go towards my ED aswell, which the lead singer also had.

But i am so lost..
and alone
and broken
and ugly and useless
lazy and worthless
hopeless and scared.

5 comments:

Dom said...

I love your blog keep writing girl =)

*Broken* said...

I love that lyrics, I´m going to download that song....I can really relate to it too...
I know how you feel, I´ve felt the same way for years...but you have to wait, maybe things will change and you´ll decide to get some help, if not for your ED now, for your depression and cutting.
If you need to talk or anything I´m here for you

Depressed Skinny Mess. said...

We all feel this way sometimes, some more than others, but people are still here for you, just do whatever will make you happy at this moment in time xx

glmx said...

you are so not alone!
im so glad ive come across this blog
and especially this post(not that im glad u feel this way at all) but i feel the exact same way atm! if u ever wna talk than im here xxxx

michelle said...

I was reading yr blog and THAT SONG. It used to go on repeat everytime i purged and felt like crap. Chin up girlie.

 

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