Wednesday, September 22, 2010

New Life.

Okay i really need to get back into the blogging habit. and it seems like the perfect time, there is so much i need to fill you guys in on, but to much to say...
basically, me and my bestfriend are done. no more. i cant handle bull shit, she TRIES to make me sound like a shitty friend.but i am done with her, and people completely. so t
his gives me a chance to FINALLY have my lovely isolation back and focus on my ED, Blog, and ED Forum. I am giving it my all, and for once i am excited to wake up tomorrow morning to start over and start losing.

I want to starve off my emotions and feelings, and i want to disappear, disappear from this town, from everyone in it...

The guy i like and i are doing alright, he opened up to me today wh
ich is shocking since we still barely know eachother, like i mentioned he is kind of like a hitchhiker...travelling...bum lmao (who has a home to go to whenever he wants), so anyways he came back into town and came home a few weeks ago and is now feeling depressed because his friends came to town to visit but obviously had to leave a week later to carry on their traveling, they asked the boy i like to join but he just got a job. but he is pissed because he didn't intend to LIVE back home, just visit, and he feels lonely because all of his friends are gone once again, and now he wants to leave as soon as possible and is thinking about up and leaving around Christmas... so i tried to brighten the mood for him and help him think positive which i think worked...A BIT! So i think me and him are still getting along pretty good.

Also i am now doing my schooling at home, online. because i feel fat, uncomfortable and out of place at my current school and i refuse to go.

I binged really bad today. i did well all day then came home (high...fucking weed luckily i don't need to worry about that anymore) and i have been binging and purging from 8pm-now(4am) after this i am reading a book then sleeping!

Emotionally i feel drained..yet somehow like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder with me and my friend being done. i just feel like things will be easier from now on, and i wont constantly
have that feeling of obligation. and things will be back to how they were before i met her, which was more restricting, less binging and purging.
I feel like i am starting a completely new life!
I Bought "The Biggest Loser" for Nintendo Wii which i tested out today and its AWESOME! the work outs make you sweat but are pretty easy, so i plan on playing that all day tomorro
w. and depending on if i get that special pill or not tomorrow, i will either fast. or eat every 2 hours (an orange.. an apple, etc) just to prevent me from binging. then i will slowly cut foods out.
EEEEEK! I'm so excited!

oh yeah! aaaand when i tested out my Biggest Loser video game it weighed me (which i didn't want to do until i was more comfortable with myself) but i was up 110lbs....i can't believe it. and after my binge i am guessing i will be like...112lbs tomorrow,so i really need to step my game up!
i will update FOR SURE tomorrow! and i am also rebooting my entire computer, so hopefully MSN will work on it again and then i plan on chatting on that again..just like the good old days :)
turning back time my friends...turning back time.


i am not 100% sure if i am happy or not...



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