Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Day three binge free.

This is day three without binging and I'm 106lbs. i was 106 this morning and stayed at a steady 106 all day.

I am in such a bad mood though, i literally tore
EVERY SINGLE THING out of my closet, so now i have a mountain of pants,sweaters,shirts, etc on the floor of my room.
why? well you probably know why. ACTUALLY i was looking for these pair of jeans i literally wear every single day
AND THEY ARE MISSING! wtf! so then i had to face my fear of trying on other jeans, and that just got me furious so now i am sitting here in the same sweat pants i wore the past couple days and my safe sweater, instead of my jeans and a sweater and walking to the store to get the 15 dollars i won on a scratch ticket.

i am to fat and pissed to leave my room now.

i wanted to drink today because i was in such a bad mood so i was going to have Kahlua and skim milk, but my dad bought the 90 calorie per cup skim milk instead of the 70 calorie soy milk, or 80 calorie skim milk. so i scream "I CANT EVEN DRINK THIS!"

Its funny...i am losing weight but i am more bitter and miserable now than i have been the last few weeks. maybe its lack of food? the stress? maybe since i am not binging away my emotions, they are staying bottled up inside...i personally think its just because i am losing weight but my body is getting bigger instead of smaller.
i swear,my stomach is freakishly flat (not complaining) but looks stupid as fuck compared to the rest of my body. my man shoulders and 300lbs arms (each),compared to my tree trunk legs. my stupid ugly face.
i could go on and on bashing myself but i will stop here.

i am just so PISSED off today!
hopefully i will feel better later. but i doubt it. UGH.



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