Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I am back!

Hey guys.
I have decided to come back, i have way to much on my mind and i NEED to let it out, nothing in particular at the moment, mainly i haven't been doing the greatest still, well its kind of up and down actually, yesterday i managed to fast until about midnight then i smoked weed (cousin offered. what a bastard!) i munched out HARD! I swear i would be at my UGW i it weren't for marijuana. I munched out from about 12:30am to about 6am. i purged so many times in between, i went to sleep at 7am and woke up at 1pm and ate like 2 bowls of cereal, i purged then worked out like a monster lol.

But yesterday while i was fasting, i had maybe 2 sips of water all day, i smoked ONE bong (lmao omg i sound like a crack head!) anyways, i smoked my first bong, stood up to walk to the kitchen so i could get a drink, and i started to black out while walking but i just thought "this always happens", so i kept walking as i was blacking out (i always do it), but instead of it getting clearer, it kept getting darker...and darker...and darker, and instead of my normal 5-Second Blackouts/lightheadedness (?), it was a good 3 minutes of pitch black, my ears started to ring and i had to grab on to my kitchen counter.
Luckily i binged...NOT! I purged anyways.. and can i just say being burnt out, and it being 5am and you have to purge, is NOT good! I remember i ALMOST fell asleep then i splashed my face with cold water and kept purging till i tasted acid.
I also think i burst a blood vessel on my right tonsil. I never thought bulimia could be so damaging, well i DID know, but like most people i thought "Nahh it wont get that bad since I'M doing it."
WRONG. I am rotting from the inside, i just know i am.

So after all of these side effects of bulimia i am a little scared to binge and purge, i am not going to say
Because come on now, we all know that's a lie, i have said it about 345678 times already haha, but i AM going to keep trying to cut down. Its September 1st, a new beginning, even though i already ate today it wasn't a massive binge (not including the 12am-6am) plus i worked it off and purged, and i haven't eaten in about 5 hours now, so i plan on fasting for the rest of today, and take my special pill that i hate so much, and watch old school Disney classic VHS movies while on the treadmill, and then play some Wii fit and Super Mario.
I am a little pissed off though, because since my cousin is here he sleeps in the room downstairs that had the treadmill in it! He is my buddy, he is my age, and i am really close to this cousin, but still...

So i am probably going to send him to the basement to play some xbox360 while I'm on the treadmill for about 30 minutes tonight, hopefully he agrees to that.

and last but not least, tomorrow i have a ultra sound, NOT BECAUSE I'M PREGNANT, but for my liver, to see if there are any problems and what not.
should be fun...

Anyways you sexy ladies and gentlemen. That's all i have to say for now, thanks for all the support! and someone asked what my email was, i have one specially for my disordered eating friends! add er up if you like :)

cant wait to start chatting with you guys!
Don't do anything i would do ;) CHOW!


KrystalKlear said...

welcome back!
i missed you !
i hope your okay, your last post really worried me :(


sophie said...

YAYAYAYAA! Your back. Sorry about your latest bp cycle, sounds scary.
Added you to my msn list, will catch you one day! lol
Cheers, sophie


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