Thursday, September 16, 2010

Time To Go Back Into Isolation..

I'm depressed again. It shocks me how someone can go from pretty damn happy to extremely down in the dumps the next day.

I'm fat.and i can actually say that now (not that i couldn't before) My bones are hidden and i can just see the layers and inches of fat that formed on me. Its hideous, I can't be seen by people, i decided to stay home again. as much as i want to enjoy my life, drink with friends, and go to the fair this weekend. I can't... Not looking like this.

On top of that, i think i got my hopes up to high with the guy i like, i mean i was constantly telling my friend i don't think he likes me,but deep down a part of me was staying positive.like he gave me his sweater when i was cold! he walked me home!....but he was drunk, which makes me think...
Maybe its just the negativity constantly going on in my head, but I'm dead set on the fact he doesn't like me.
probably because i am fat and useless. No one wants a weak, useless fat girlfriend.

I need to buy tons of those special pills. I need to lose weight.
I'm so sad. Nothing ever goes right for me...

Need to purge...Then sleep.
I can barely keep my eyes open. I have a long walk tomorrow for exercise, about 40 minute walk there, 40 minutes back.
No food tomorrow.


I need to be beautiful.

2 comments:

AAOS said...

I hope you start feeling better. I'm sorry you're feeling so down...
:(

Kade said...

Aww, I'm sorry you're so down babe! I know you're not feeling too hot about yourself right now and it's really easy to look at the negative. But from a casual observer, you're definitely not weak, certainly not useless, and in no way are you anything but tiny. You'd be a wonderful girlfriend, because even though you have your vises, it makes it easier for you to accept those in others, and people really, really appreciate that. I think this guy likes you, fyi. Drunkenness makes you act on what you're actually feeling, and if I learned anything from 'He's not that into you'(the movie) if a guy doesn't like you, he won't acknowledge you. If he does like you, he will. Sweatshirt giving and walking you home = interested. <3

~Kade
PS- You are beautiful.

 

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