Thursday, October 7, 2010

Tick Tock, Tick Tock...

6:30 am and i have had 30 minutes of sleep all night.
I can't sleep! and I'm exhausted, i exercised last night and barely ate a thing, my eyes are burning! but i cant sleep!
I think its because i have so much running through my head like "what am i going to eat today" or "what if i fail" I'm so anxious to get to 70lbs (my original goal weight was 85lbs until i seen an episode of Dr. Phil where the girl was my height and 70lbs, and what she looks like at 70lbs is what i was hoping to look like at 85...) anyways..
My mind is racing, all i can think about is food and numbers and i cant sleep.

I weighed myself a few minutes ago and i was a disgusting 107lbs, NOW i realize if i slept i would probably be around 105-106lbs so i am trying not to get even more anxious then i already am, i will just keep thinking "107" all day when i want to eat something gross. and i was 108lbs two days ago.. so at least i lost right... ugh its not good enough, it will never be good enough!

I am going to the grocery store with my dad at probably around 11:30 -12pm. and i want to get a bag of frozen fruit, and take a look around and see what else i should get. Maybe some rice cakes? Crackers? Meatless meat? ugh i don't know. I don't want this stuff in my house... if i don't get it at all i cant eat it...
The bag of fruit is a for sure thing though, i plan on just picking at it through out the day.

I feel like I'm going crazy..

I think I'm going to make myself a black coffee to give me a boost in my energy, then I'm going to go for a morning jog.
I will update later :)



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