Friday, August 27, 2010

Bad day.

Today was terrible.
As you know, basically right when i wake up i find out my parents search my room,blah blah blah. purge bowls found.NOT GOOD!
Then i binged and purged, felt absolutely disgusting and cut myself for the first time in a while, i broke down just crying, looking at myself in the mirror in disgust. I down 15 diet pills and 10 laxatives.

My brother then called and asked if i wanted to go to the movies with him and his girlfriend and watch "The Last Exorcism". Originally i said no because i felt like shit, but he was like "common!" so i went. I couldn't stop thinking about how gross i look, how i should be exercising instead of sitting down in the theater.
Stupid me, Right when i get home at midnight i binge again...

I feel so gross, Tomorrow is a new day. I am exhausted. like EXTREMELY, I've had no sleep, I've been crying, feeling depressed, and i just feel heavy and lazy, when i am done purging i am going to read a book in bed. Tomorrow i am going to focus more on exercise then anything. It seems like i am forgetting about that.
I wish i could go back in time to when i spent all day exercising and only ate ONE salad a day...I will start that after my fast tomorrow. The voice in my head is screaming "YOUR FAT"...

I just want out of this...

P.s I am not going to weigh myself tomorrow. I don't think i can handle it emotionally honestly...I know i must be up to at least 101lbs, just in 2 days!



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