Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Sweating my ass off.

I still haven't eaten all day, its now 11:30pm.
I was just on the exercise bike for only 15 minutes and I'm sweating so hardcore, I am now going to do about 20 minutes on the treadmill and then clean my room to burn extra calories.

I'm forcing myself to exercise tonight. I really want to be about 96lbs tomorrow.
I'm sweaty, exhausted, nauseous. and it feels good! I hope i will go to bed early tonight...

My whole life has been feeling like a no, a nightmare, lately. as if I'm out of my body and watching me do all this stupid shit. It doesn't feel real, probably because I am still thinking

"How could this happen to me?".

My brothers ex girlfriends mom died yesterday, she had a heart attack. She was 50 years old, the same age as my parents, now my mom is always talking about how she feels like she is going to die soon (shes already had scares with the side of her face going numb. stroke?), It's so sad, I wish people didn't grow old and die...I'm scared to death of my family dieing, of me dieing, of growing old! I wish i could go back to when i was little and keep it that way. Ugh. I'm sad. I'm going on the treadmill...

"Days are going by faster then i ever could keep up."



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