Hello.

Helllllo.

Well its 2pm, Sunday. and last night i decided to do the 35 calorie yogurt and 5 calorie jello a day "diet". It will be difficult, but since I've gotten back into the feel of fasting and restricting and lost 8lbs in 3 days! I've been reminded how much i missed it all, how i missed the high i got from fasting/restricting and from seeing the numbers on the scale go down, how i get light headed EVERY TIME i stand up, how its hard to sleep at night because I'm so hungry, the satisfaction i get from not binging and sticking to under 200 calories, the feeling of success! ohhh god the feeling of success, the number one reason for this all..

so back to the point haha, I'm pretty motivated to keep this up.
other reasons for why are:

- Have a doctors appointment on the 24th, and is it bad to say i want to look smaller then i did at my last one? he is already on edge about whether i have an eating disorder or not, last i seen him was 2 months ago and I've lost 20lbs since then. i was a "normal" weight last i seen him because i was binging and purging, he did a blood test and everything was fine except my bones, i guess since everything else was good he assumed i was too. the ED was never mentioned again. I kind of want him to bring it up next time i see him, of course i will deny everything, but the satisfaction of him saying "have you lost weight since last time..." would be enough to keep me somewhat happy.
- I have an appointment with my social worker on the 23rd, she thinks I'm there for anger when really my mom put me there for my ED, but my counselor has no idea hahah. she asked me "so why are you here" and i said "I don't know, my mom made the appointment" and she says "well why do you think she did?" and OF COURSE i wasn't going to say "because i have an eating disorder" i mentioned my attitude and my anger issues so now she thinks that's why I'm there, my last appointment was last month and I've lost close to 10lbs since then. I'm hoping she will also comment on my weight for the same reason as my doctor.
- I'm going out of town next weekend, visiting my family in Toronto. They are all constantly nagging me for my weight and poor eating habits (they all know about my ED, how lame. funny how they don't do anything about it but nag). But i like the fact they say I'm to skinny even though I'm not, so i have to keep the weight off for them. i couldn't bare to gain some weight then visit them and have them say "oh your looking much better!"

I also have rewards for when i get to certain weights. I hit 99lbs so tomorrow when a beauty store opens i am getting some lime green hair dye and redoing my hair! yeeeeeeeeea.
Then once I'm 90lbs OR 95lbs i will get to wax my eyebrows. Then once I'm 85 or 90 I will buy myself some new clothes!

So since I've already had my yogurt, I'm debating on whether i want to go to my brothers house later around 6pm, the only problem with that is...we will be smoking a lot of weed. and weed = munchies. which is why i decided that IF i do go, i will save my 5 calorie jello for after i get back (at around 10pm) to eat that then exercise right after then go to sleep.
I was going to walk my dogs today but its raining out. Boo.
Hopefully the whether will clear up though...
Well we will see how today turns out. I'm getting stomach pains which must mean I'm doing good. I swear, if it weren't for the pains in my stomach and the fact i black out every time i stand up, i would think i were gaining.

Another thing, Other foods i will allow myself IF i REALLY need it, are pickles and 0 calorie Walden Farms Caramel Dip, that i will have a spoonful every now and then because it tastes like butterscotch pudding.

PS. I hope my ex friend doesn't join the forum i joined last year ("pro"ana) I would feel so uncomfortable posting... it would be like...not feeling comfortable in my own home..